Starting Over

As you know, I've been having a hard time with going away to college. It's something I've looked forward to for the past two years, ever since Kayla left. I kept waiting and wishing and hoping it would come sooner. And now it's here. I only have two more days left in my hometown until probably October. That makes me incredibly sad and I've been breaking down.

This whole summer, I didn't cry once, I was so excited and I didn't think it would come quick enough. I knew, I just KNEW I was going to cry on graduation day. While I was sad, I was so caught up in the emotions and busyness of the day, I didn't cry. Then the next day, I rushed off to the beach.

I hate that I'm starting over new. I'm making and have been making so many changes and I haven't even realized it until recently. I just cut my hair, about an hour ago. I cut about 8 inches off. It feels lighter, fresher, healthier. I love it, and I definitely don't regret it. I have gotten so many new things that I get to call my own. I've gotten rid of tons and tons of clothes and things I don't need.

Even though I'm starting over new, not everything is new. I still have my girlfriend, who is going to be with me. I'm rooming with my best friend since 5th grade. I still have most of my things with me. I know I'm going to have a great time. I know that. I'm not good with change, and I'm not good with starting over.

But, in the end, starting over can be and will be a good thing. I will make new and different friends, make some amazing memories, maybe actually go to a party? No one will know who my family is, or that I was one of the first out lesbians in my hometown. I can walk around campus, and be by myself, and not have a thousand people judging me. I can walk into a room with people and not have everyone ask how Kayla is.

I'm excited for this new chapter in my life. I hope these next four years are good to me!

What do you love about starting over in a new town/school/place? What do you hate about starting over?


  1. I totally get where you're coming from. It's so scary to start over in a new place, not knowing anyone. But it's also really exciting! I feel like when I went to college, I could start over in a good way, especially since I went to the same school from 6-12 grade. Also... you know what they say... a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life! Good luck, can't wait to see how much you love college!


  2. I am much older than you, but I have had to "start" over a lot in my life. It has never been fun, but always made me stronger. Try to stay positive and try to make your new place a home. I wish you all the best!

  3. I'm going to college for the first time as well next week and I couldn't agree more with you. I'm only going to school an hour away and I'm still anxious!


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