My Coming Out Story

I had no idea I was gay. I mean once in a while I would see a girl and be like "Wow she's really hot." I have had at least 15 boyfriends. Grated, none lasted over two months. Many didn't last over two weeks. Still, I had legitimate  crushes on guys. There was this one guy I swore I was in love with. He promised me when I turned 18 we would move to California. The last guy I was interested in before I "turned" gay is actually one of Kayla's best friends. I really really liked this guy but he continued to screw me over for better girls.

So basically I had no clue. Or in the back of my mind I did, but I was trying to cover it up with like a thousand boyfriends. I honestly don't even know. But in Spring of 2011, I met Kayla. We were on the same softball team. (So cliche right? Don't all lesbians meet on the same softball team?) We were pretty good friends. I had one of my best friends on my team, but for some reason, I tended to draw more towards Kayla. She was absolutely hilarious. Except for this one practice where she kept screaming something annoying and the first words I ever said to her were "SHUT UP KAYLA" and I swear I was so scared she was going to beat me up. 

We continued to get closer. She would play third base and I was her back up in left field. And every play she would say "back me up Ally", like it was going to change from the last play. I felt myself kind of get butterflies when we would talk. But I didn't even think anything of it. After all, I was still super obsessed with her best friend at the time (I didn't really know they were that good of friends until later that summer. I'll explain)

Fast forward to the last game of the season, and evidently of our softball careers, and I had just come in from batting and I had reserved my spot on the bench with my water bottle and mitt, but she moved them and sat in my spot and made me sit on the floor. I was literally terrified of her so I let her do it. 

So we had sort of communicated on Facebook a little bit. Some comments, likes and I think she posted a video to my wall at some point of something totally stupid. One day (May 31st at 6:53 pm to be exact) I messaged her on Facebook and said "Kayla FREAKING Morse" and she said "ALLY freaking GAGLIARDO" and we talked about how both of our last names are weird. 

Kayla posted a status one day that said "If you aren't texting me then what are you doing?" with her number, so I texted her. And that was the turning point in our relationship. I don't know what would have happened if she didn't post that stupid status and I didn't work up the nerve to text her. God I was nervous. I had an idea that she was gay, but I didn't want to be. I didn't want her to like me. I was TERRIFIED. So she sent me one of these ":)" in a text and I literally told her not to do that because I was scared she was flirting with me! 

After that, we literally did not stop texting. Literally ever. As soon as we woke up in the morning, to the second I went to bed. (I go to bed way way way earlier than her. Always have. Always will.) Eventually, she told me she was gay. And (obviously) I was okay with it, I told her I would be there for her. but I felt like I was super jealous of everything she did when it didn't have to do with me. She was good friends with my best friend and got kind of flirty with her for a while, and I hated it. 

Eventually we started talking on September 3rd of 2011. And that's when shit started to hit the fan. Before September 3rd, not a SOUL knew I was gay other than Kayla. Literally no one. It was the most terrifying thing. I was a Sophomore in high school. I had just turned 16 four days before. 

Right from the start I knew there was something special between us. I knew it. We were always talking, always texting. We would walk each other to class and be with each other any time we could. Eventually I told my best friend at the time, and she was pretty much the only person who knew. Then we started to do stupid shit like hold hands in the halls and pretend like people weren't going to see us. And did they ever. Everyone saw and a gay couple in our school has pretty much happened like once before us. So it spread like wild fire. Everyone knew. Everyone. I had so many people talking about me behind my back. So many rumors flying. I lost a few friends (eventually gained them back) because I was completely terrified of everything going on that I freaked out if anyone even said a single word about me. 

I eventually told a few of my other good friends and they accepted me like nothing had changed. Which was amazing. Kayla and I went on our first date, then our second, had our first kiss, which was the most awkward thing ever. Then in November 11th, 2011 at 11:11PM Kayla asked me out. I couldn't have been happier. I really couldn't have. I still count that as the best day of my life because it was. I hated keeping the secret from my family and especially from my little sister. She's like my best friend. 

So I sat my family down on November 16th, and told them I was dating Kayla. And at the time they said they loved me, supported me and would love me no matter what. But they didn't want to tell my sister. For whatever reason. I guess they thought she was too young. But in the end, she ended up finding out like a month later. But I didn't tell her until the next August. 

It was literally exhausting to keep it from someone so close to me. It felt like everyone else knew but I couldn't even be myself because my sister didn't know and my parents didn't want me to tell her. I told her August of 2012 right before she started high school because I knew she would find out anyway. Like I said, as it turns out, she knew already. And was pretty pissed at me for not telling her sooner. Ever since then, Isabella and I have been super close. And I love it. 

Most of this all happened within my first semester of my Sophomore year. It was crazy. But Kayla was my rock through the whole thing. At first my parents weren't too keen on it. They had this preconceived notion of what I was supposed to be, how my future is supposed to be, etc. And I guess I understand that. Now, they LOVE Kayla. They love to be around her and think she's absolutely hilarious. 

Although there were some rough patches with my parents along the way, I'm still happy with how everything is at this moment. As of right now, my extended family (to my knowledge) does not know. I'm not extremely close to them, so I don't feel as if I need to tell them this yet. 

Basically this turned into a story of Kayla and I and a little bit of how I came out but that's basically how it happened. It wasn't this big thing, I told people in groups and then my family, and I think it worked out. Well, obviously it did because Kayla and I will be dating for 3 years in November. 

Next Saturday, August 9th, I'll be posting coming out tips. Tips I've learned, watching videos, seeing other friends come out, from my experience, etc. So if you're struggling with who you are and think you might be gay, and want to come out, check out the post next Saturday, August 9th. 

As always, I'm available to talk and offer as much advice as I possibly can. The best way to reach me is my email: allygagliardo@gmail.com. Please don't hesitate to email me if you have a question, concern or you need any kind of advice or if you just need to talk to someone! PLEASE. I'm always here. You are NOT alone. I know how scary and alone it feels sometimes but you're not. There's always someone.