So many people talk about how long distance relationships don't work. Kayla and I have been doing long distance for almost two years (54 days and it's over!) Here are a few tips on how to make long distance work.
Skype// Okay, seriously, Skype is probably the best thing ever. Kayla and I Skype a good amount. Mostly when we have a lot of time to spend sitting down together. We always watch movies together. It took us a while to get a good system on how to work it out. We pick a movie, we both have Netflix so most of the time we'll pick something on there. Next, we resize our screens so half of the screen is the Skype call, half of the screen is the movie. We mute ourselves so we can't hear each other eating popcorn or breathing too loud (lol). Then we use the chat feature of Skype to talk about the movie!
FaceTime// It's kind of like Skype but it's mobile and much faster and much easier than lugging out your whole computer. We usually FaceTime when we have a few minutes of down time and we just wanna talk without texting. I also FaceTime her every night before I go to bed.
Couple// Couple is an app that is obviously made for couples. Specifically, for long distance couples. This app is seriously awesome. It runs off of 3G or wifi. There are so many cool features like being able to sketch and draw to each other, texting, audio messages, photos, videos, lists, dates reminders for anniversary, and birthdays and so much more. But my favorite feature is thumbkiss. It sounds so dumb but it's so cool and sweet. You or your partner go into the thumbkiss feature and you put your thumb on the screen (make sure your vibrate is on!). Your partner and you put your thumb on the same area of your phones and then when you've both stayed in the same place for 2 seconds it vibrates! Kayla and I do this before bed, and we usually move our thumbs around a while so the other can't catch it and we put our lips up to the phone so it's like we're actually kissing! (Lame I know)
TRUST// Kayla and I struggled with this a lot in the beginning. For the first 10 months of our relationship we never had to be without each other. We were barely apart and we always knew what each other were doing and we were ALWAYS together. That changed drastically August 2012. She went away to ECU which is four hours away. Suddenly she was in college and was wanting to go out and do college kid things and I was still in high school. I was terrified that she was going to find some pretty sorority girl and leave me because it was more convenient to be with someone else. And she was scared when I went to high school football games because of ex-boyfriends, old crushes or whatever. But after months of this we just kind of got over it. We knew that nothing was going to break us up. We love each other and no one else in the world is going to come between us. You just have to TRUST your significant other. Long distance relationships WILL NOT work if you do not trust each other.
Honesty// This goes right along with trust. If you aren't being honest or your partner is being honest then how are you going to be able to trust each other? Kayla and I literally tell each other everything. Down to exactly what we have for each meal. You don't have to go to that extreme but being honest about what you're doing, who you're with, where you are and everything makes things so much easier. You don't have to worry about your partner finding out or anything. And you wouldn't want them to lie to you. Honesty is just SO important.
Making time// We used to struggle with this a lot. We are on completely different schedules. I get up way early in the morning (6AM) and she sleeps until noon almost every day. I'm out of school at 2:15 and she's just starting her first class. By 5 or 6 I'm working out, doing homework, and eating dinner while she's STILL in class. By 9 I'm ready to pass out and sometimes she's just getting out of class. It was really difficult at first because we didn't have any time to Skype, FaceTime or talk on the phone. We just had to develop a schedule sort of. We reserve at least one day each weekend she's not here to skyping and watching a movie together. And FaceTime right before I go to bed and text throughout the day. If you don't make time for each other in a long distance relationship it won't work. It's that simple.
Alone time// This is something I definitely struggled with for so long. I didn't want to go out and do things because why would I want to? My girlfriend's not here so who is important enough to hang out with without her? I would sit in my room and be depressed and watch her go out. It seriously broke me down. But eventually I started going out again. I went to football games, I tried to hang out with some friends from school but eventually I started hanging out with Kayla's best friend (who has since become mine) almost every day. You have to have a balance between doing your own thing and spending time with your significant other or you're going to drive yourself crazy.
Visits// This isn't something that I have to tell you. Visit each other as much as possible! If possible, keep it even who does the traveling. It's a little harder for me because my parents are a little more strict and don't want me going down there all the time. Also my car is terrible on gas so it's really expensive to go up there (it's $100 just in gas for a weekend trip). Kayla usually does most of the traveling. I don't think she minds though because her family and friends are here so she gets to visit with them also.
Breaking up// If you are in a relationship before you have to go into long distance, for instance someone goes away to college. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BREAK UP. THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY OVER. This was never an option for us. We knew we just had to get through two years and that's it. Then it was over. Now, don't get me wrong. The day she left for the first time I was a MESS. I spent the night at her house and her family dropped me off on the way out of town. I didn't even make it to the door. I started crying in the car and I couldn't stop. My mom was waiting at the door for me because she knew I was going to be a mess. She just held me in the door for 10 minutes. Then I just laid in my parents bed and cried for an hour then finally went up to my room and cried for hours and hours and hours. I literally shit you not I did not eat for two days straight. It was the worst days of my life. BUT I got through it. I got through over 100 goodbyes and so can you! I always hear people say "he's going to college so we're probably going to break up". NO. It doesn't have to be that way. It IS possible to have a long distance relationship. But if you're considering it, or have already accepted that fact that you're going to have to break up, then it's a lost cause and why are you still together if you know you're going to have to break up?
These are just a few things I've learned since being in a LDR.
What are you tricks of the trade? Comment below! I'm always looking for new ideas and tips!
X.O.X.O
Preppy Little Lesbian
Ally
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