Depression

Since no one reads these anyway, I might as well say what I want without feeling like I’m getting judged. 

I feel trapped. But I don’t know what I’m trapped in. I feel exhausted. When I go to bed at 8 and wake up at 7. I feel stressed when I do it to myself; with my OCD when it comes to school work, everything has to be perfect. I feel depressed when I should be happy because I don’t have a bad life. I feel angry and short tempered when no one ever did anything to me. I feel completely alone when I have the most amazing girlfriend who would come to me and help me at the drop of a hat. 

Everything is just getting too much. In every aspect of my life there is something that needs to be done and someone wants something from me.  I want to just sleep for 48 hours only getting up to eat mac and cheese and go to the bathroom. The only thing that would make that better would be snuggles from my girlfriend. I just want to run away. Go far away from here to some place where no one knows me, where I don’t have any responsibilities, where I don’t have to do anything. I can just sit there. Maybe on the beach in a beach chair over looking the ocean with a lemonade in my hand with the sand between my toes and the waves licking at my feet. 

Maybe I’m in the mountains. Way up high. Up in some cozy warm cabin with snow all around the outside. With a fireplace in the corner with a big comfy couch and some huge blankets. With me wearing yoga pants, a sweatshirt and some really comfy socks with some hot chocolate I’m sipping on just watching the snowfall.

I need a break. I need to breathe. I need to breathe away from expectations, responsibilities, people, friends, family, money. I need solitude. I need to cry it all out and pretend not to exist for a couple of days while I lay in bed under my usual four blankets. 

But for now, I’ll trudge along with school and other people. 

I’m sure no one read this whole thing, but if you did. Please like it. So I know that someone actually read this. And if you’re feeling even sort of the way I am, message me. 

I guess this is it for now.