Contentment

I’m sitting on my couch, snuggled in my favorite blanket, looking at my Christmas tree, mantle with the fireplace going (even though it’s not cold, I just wanted to look at something pretty) with the windows open, and I can hear the pouring rain in between the screams of my dad yelling at the tv because the Lions actually have a shot this year.

As I’m sitting here, watching the Detroit Lions, looking at my family’s beautiful Christmas decorations, scrolling through tumblr, while my dad is trying to explain football to me, and desperately waiting for dinner to be ready, I am extremely content. I get in these moods a lot. I get overwhelmed with how my life is actually okay. Even though I definitely do get my fair share of breakdowns and bad days when I feel like nothing is going right. 

I’m happy with my life right now. The only thing that could possibly make anything better right now is if I was skyping Kayla or if she was actually here. But it’s good that we have some time apart. I love her so much more after she leaves and comes back again. 

I’m lucky. I’m extremely lucky. I have a home, a family, food, a girlfriend, good grades, a good head on my shoulders. I have so much to be thankful for, but I spend too much time complaining about this deadline, or that deadline or if I can complete that essay or if I’m going to get in to this college.  I want to start listing in my journal everything good that happened that day, and everything that I’m thankful for. Every day. I want to remember the good things in my life, not the bad things. I want to be happy and not so grumpy all the time. I’m always so consumed with the stress and the anxiety of every aspect of my life. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I know I’m still always going to have that because it’s literally built in to me. But I’m going to shape it, and learn from it and learn to control it. I’m going to control my stress and anxiety and learn to take a step back and realize, it’s all going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. I need to have more moments of contentment. I need to sit in front of the fire with my hot chocolate and pet my kitty even if I do have two tests tomorrow. Those two grades are not worth my mental health for the day, the week, the month, or even the year. Because with me, I harbor that. I harbor the bad grades, my mental health gets worse and worse and it fills to the brim and then I explode. I completely explode. All of my emotions come out at one time and I’m going to work to help this. I have to. I need to. I’m going to be healthy, not only with my body (my girlfriend and I have decided to help each other lose weight through motivation with each other) but in my mind. A healthy body is not worth it if I don’t have a healthy mind or emotions. A good GPA is  not worth it if I don’t have a healthy mind or emotions. Good friendships are not worth it if I don’t have a healthy mind or emotions. Relationships are not worth it if I don’t have a healthy mind or emotions. I’m going to change my life and how I live it, and how I view it. 

I’m getting in to the habit of posting my self realizations and everything in between, and if you’re reading this post in one of the tags I’ve tagged, follow me for more posts like this, and I’m ALWAYS available to talk or help with anything.