Being Independent in a Relationship

This is something that I (and maybe Kayla too, I'm not sure) have struggled with for the last two and a half years. Especially since she's away a lot of the time. When I was only a Sophomore I had a 11 o'clock curfew. I really struggled with that a lot because Kayla was a Senior in high school and she didn't have a curfew. She was allowed to go out and do whatever she wanted. She was out doing all of these things and I was laying in my bed at 11 o'clock on a Friday night watching Disney movies. I was depressed a lot of the time but I couldn't go out so there was nothing I could do about it.

Fast forward to the next year when Kayla left for college in August and football season was starting back up. I wanted to go out and hang out with my friends and go to the football games. But, at the same time, I was really missing Kayla so I wanted to stay home and Skype her and watch a movie. So I started skipping football games, saying no to going to Starbucks and JJ Wasabi's with my friends, no to Cookout after Friday night football because I would rather talk to my girlfriend.

I kept getting even more depressed and by my Senior Year I couldn't stand it. I started to finally go back to football games, trying to hang out with friends more. I still kind of struggle with being my own person, making my own decisions with out asking her first, and making plans and not worrying about if I get to Skype that weekend. It really is hard because I want her to be apart of my life and every decision and things like that. It's really sad but it's been two and a half years and she's been with me through every part of my life for all that time. I HATE feeling like I'm depending on her, or leaning on her or that she's the biggest part of my life. Now, don't get me wrong, I love her to death, I do plan on marrying her. But at the same time, I need to have my own life, likes, dislikes and plans without her.

Here are a few things that I tell myself on how to be independent even when being in a relationship:

Find Your Own Interests// Find something that YOU yourself like to do. For me, during the fall it was football games. Now, I really enjoy writing and updating this blog. I'm also really engulfed in schoolwork and preparing for ECU now. Also I have a friend that I hang out with a lot even when I'm not with Kayla. So just find something that you can do by yourself whether it's coffee and shopping with the girls, or playing soccer.

Spoil Yourself// I planned on making a whole separate post for making your own at home spa day. But spoil yourself. Go grab some Starbucks, go get a mani pedi, do a face mask at home, shave your legs (who doesn't feel awesome when your legs are shaved), go for a walk, do a hair mask. Anything.

Make Your Own Decisions// Write down all of your feelings in a journal. That way if you're frustrated with yourself for getting a D on a math test, or if you're wanting to make a decision write down a pros and cons list in your journal instead of talking it all out before you talk to your significant other. Now, I'm not saying if you're trying to make the decision to move to Africa or something, you will definitely need to include them in that but little small things you need to make your own decisions.

I'm not saying to distance yourself from your partner. But, take some time for yourself. Still schedule/leave out time to Skype with your partner or go to dinner and a movie, or just lay around and cuddle. BUT you don't have to run every idea, or Skype every single night if you don't necessary want to. I do like Skyping Kayla especially right now because I really don't have anything going on and I really just enjoy doing that. But I also am trying to make time for myself more.

Be independent. Be yourself. But also love with all of your heart.

X.O.X.O.
Preppy Little Lesbian
Ally

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